The 7 Couches of Your Life

Most of us measure our lives in moments and time.

We watch a clock and count the seconds, minutes and hours. Staring at a calendar, crossing off the days. This is how we experience our life, via time.

Time is a tricky thing however, it goes on and on without any intermissions to let you know where you’re at. This can be confusing when it comes to planning your life goals and dreams. Lucky for you, we at Steeltown Buds have simplified your life into 7 stages based on the couch that you sit on. These are… The 7 couches of your life.

Couch #1: The couch you’re born into

You don’t get to choose the couch you’re born into. Some people are born onto beautiful leather couches with wood trim, others are born into a burlap sack with legs. This is life and you’re just being introduced to the harsh realities that your couch won’t always be comfortable or even sanitary. Regardless, you embrace your first couch like a member of your family, blind to concepts of pride and shame. 

Couch #2: The GOOD couch 

You are just discovering that your parents could not trust you to be around nice things. They remind you daily that this couch is different, this couch is something to be admired. Your parents buy it and tell you, whatever you do, don’t mess it up, don’t ruin it, and sit on it as little as possible. At this point though you’re basically still a savage that has no respect for the finer things in life. This couch is a constant reminder that you are not even ready to own a couch yet. 

Couch #3: YOUR first couch 

Now you’re on your own and think that you have it all figured out. You finally have your very own couch – congratulations, you made it! Except, you haven’t. You’re still essentially a child in a grown-up body and life will quickly remind you of this fact. Ultimately, you don’t care about this couch, you only care that you have one. This disrespect is shown by the patched-up holes, beer stains and questionable substances that adorn your new pride and joy.

Couch #4: YOUR first NICE couch

This is the first couch you buy that you actually manage to take care of. You’ve learned a thing or two in life by this point, enough to know that where you park your ass should be of some importance. You’ve gone through some shit, realized life is going to be an uphill battle and finally appreciate the downtime. You reminisce fondly over how carefree and irresponsible you’ve been with your couches and laugh, knowing full well that it was all worth it.

Couch #5: Your “kid couch” 

Life has come full circle. You find yourself starting your own little family and realize you must now (sadly) downgrade your couch. It may feel temporarily that you are regressing, but you realize now that this is the cycle of life. You are introducing your new family to their first couch. The couch that will start the cycle all over again for them.

Couch #6: YOUR good couch

The kids are getting older and now it’s time to get the couch you suddenly believe that you always wanted. Something beautiful, leathery, and comfortable. Something expensive. Something you will try to keep perfect to no avail. Something you show off to the abundance of people who show up to your house, whether they are dropping their kids off for a birthday party, talking business, or discussing funeral arrangements for a family member.

Couch #7: The couch you DIE on

The last couch you have and the first that you buy purely for you. You don’t care what anyone thinks about its appearance or comfort level. All that you care about is that it’s completely perfect for you.

Written by D & J

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